Thursday, December 11, 2003
Thursday, December 11, 2003
i swear i swore that i wouldn't blab on my blog about stupid
insignificant bimbotic stuff like the mundane on-goings of my
life like a replica of a certain somebody's pink blog but this
is a special case!
i bought nice bikinis today i did i did it's really pretty
one's hot pink the other yellow it's reeeeaaaaallllly nice i like!
okie there.enough about them bikinis.not like i'd wear them anyway
but i'm just happy i bought them and so there.
anyway i've decided that i'm gonna think about love today
hey yu know i think the idea of 'love' is so very hazy
i don't think i could ever be capable of loving someone
it's like i can't imagine what it feels like
but i think i could understand my love for the family
and love for friends cause i do experience it right now
but i can't imagine that allconsuming, can't-live-without-yu
thing that true love is supposed to be
yu know they say if yu love someone, yu'd let them go,
yu'd not be jealous and yu'd sacrifice everything just to
make them happy
but when yu love someone wouldn't yu be worried that they'll
leave yu?how not to be jealous then?
yu'd have to be a saint or angel or something
yu'd have to be a non-human.
if yu argue that true love will conquer all, the happiness
yur loved one enjoys makes up for all the pain yu go through,
then yu are saying that jealousy doesn't come into the picture
cause yu love that person and even if that person leaves yu
it'll make the person happy, so yu wouldn't feel jealous..
that's like pitting human nature against what is termed 'true love'
and if yu ask me..human nature prevails all the time.
aiyarh whatever larh i'm sick of thinking.
will go drown myself in chocolate or something
add a few more inches to my tummy.
will someone please tell me how love feels like?
things to do before it's too late:
- begin a habit like saving or like just trying to
spend less.
- study ahead instead of last minute cramming cause it doesn't
work
- spend more time with people who are worth the time i choose to
spend with them
- learn how to say 'no'
- start believing that it's a world where yu solve yur own shit
talking to someone only makes yu forget doesn't make the shit disappear
- being focused in whatever i do
- do the things yu should do on the 'things yu should do before it's too late' list before it is too late.
things haven't really been going my way these days.
but then rarely anything does.
anyway there's finally one thing that's going my way
i got a job i think i might like
waitressing at the peranakan place aka alleybar aka papa joe's
can't wait.
Monday, December 08, 2003
Monday, December 08, 2003
didn't get my s paper..don't know how to feel.
should i be sad disappointed and even angry?
somehow i can't muster any emotion..
i know i don't deserve it.
but i'll go for it anyway!hehe.
the hols have been BORING.
i wish i have a CHIMERICAL life.
hahahah sat word. gotta go!!!!
Monday, December 01, 2003
Monday, December 01, 2003
my
milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and they're like,
its better than yurs,
damn right. its beter than yurs,
i can teach yu,
but i have to charge.
hmmm i wonder..
milkshake huh..heh!
talking to sijie's always good..he always gets straight to the damn point
and he forces yu to face the
cold.harsh.reality.
haha don't you get the feeling that sometimes yu're stupid?i do.
there's no other word to describe this thing about me, no other word except stupidity.
i'm so dumb i make myself sick..but i guess it's this dumb side of me that keeps me going keeps me
from falling into that deep cynical tunnel that people around me seem to be in.
it's hard trying to strike a balance between cynicism, realism and idealism
what i've realised that those pple who haven't already become a little cynical are those who are
silly hypocritical idealists who
think they believe and
so they believe and they think it's
noble of them to do so.
all them poor things.
i think where i'm now, it's like i'm halfway down that tunnel.
i still hope and i still dream and i still wish but i can see the end of the tunnel i know how to not lie to myself.
that's the reason why yu think i'm stupid sijie that's the reason whyi feel like i'm stupid too..
i still wish :)
hey but i know what yu tell me is true and i believe yu
god knows how i believe yu more than i do him.
still i can't stop what i feel..
but i know yu'd be there to remind me and make sure i'd be alright.
went clubbing for the first time on saturday!!
i found myself at zouk with evita ziyi thought it was going to be boring
cause we were just standing outside.
met quite alot of people i had no idea i knew
maybe it's the lighting maybe the makeup but i really can't recall their faces.
so i just pretended i know who they are but actually hah i don't.
was really suprised i saw marcus didn't know he'd made such a name for himself organising parties
zouk was URGH don't like techno don't like house..but at least there were more people i knew over at zouk
imagine guys born with two left feet trying..realllllly hard to groove to techno..
imagine girls with hideous makeup and weird dresses getting up the little platforms to dance
and there yu have it: zouk
i sat there and laughed so hard i cried..hey i know i look stupid dancing too....
but that was just really too bad, even by my standards
so i ended up sitting stoning waiting for evita and ziyi to decide that they had enough of that crap.
at least i met lotsa pple i haven't been catching up with..
joel had on blue silver contacts it's damn cool. gonna get them too.
embassy was a whole world better the music was great and everything
haha so much happened i wanna put everything down
some facts i learnt!~
- guys dancing with cigarettes between their fingers are reaally scary they may burn pple
- techno dancing is reaally funny it's a whole "make-a-fool-outta-yurself" thing that only guys do
- "girls should always use their hips" "use yur curves" (quote zhihon)
- getting yur purse back from the bartenders is tough begging is useless. desperate i had to kiss one on the cheek
- sijie's a good dancer! so's zhihon and kennedy and tziyang they don't look weird
- yu can't find water except in the toilets
- clubbing ain't really about drinking so much yu get high and do stupid things dancing's the fun part
it was a nice first time
i was five and he was six
we rode on horses made of sticks
he wore black and i wore white
he would always win the fight
bang bang, he shot me down
bang bang, i hit the ground
bang bang, that awful sound
bang bang, my baby shot me down
seasons came and changed the time
when i grew up, i called him mine
he would always laugh and say
"remember when we used to play?
bang bang, I shot you down
bang bang, you hit the ground "
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, i used to shoot you down
music played and people sang
just for me the church bells rang
now he's gone. i don't know why
and till this day, sometimes i cry
he didn't even say goodbye
he didn't take the time to lie
bang bang, he shot me down
bang bang, i hit the ground
bang bang, that awful sound
bang bang, my baby shot me down