Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
i am the girl who would go all out for you, do anything in the world for you, only if you'd love her wholeheartedly. i am the girl, who when everytime you fall, would be there to pick you up, and dust you down, and make everything alright again. i am the girl, who does all that, only so you'd do the same for her.
i am the girl who wrestles with her weight, yet eats like she's been starved a few lifetimes.
i am the girl who told them she liked them, when she didn't, for what reason, she never knew. i am the girl who played with fire, who broke hearts so she wouldnot get hers broken; yet found hers trampled on everytime she broke someone else's heart.
i am the girl who laughed easily, cried easily, gave easily, and did so with genuine affection. i am the girl who you, you, and you played for a fool, and now know who are true friends.
i am the girl who like a neverending present; have you open box after box after box to find a box in every box you open. i am the girl you find when, if, you ever reach the very last box. i am the girl who is colour, intrigue, honesty.
i am the girl who makes you laugh, gives you pleasure, and is happy because she makes you happy. i am the girl who teases you and pleases you because that's how relationships should be.
i am the girl who believes herself invincible and mighty, because if she let herself believe otherwise, she might just crumble. i am the girl who struggles to know herself. i am the girl who hopes you'd know her, so she might know herself too.
i am the girl who is woman and child, ignorant, mature. i am the girl who couldn't tell right from left.
i am the girl who couldn't cross roads safely.
i am the girl who sat here writing this, wondering when she would ever figure herself out.
i am the girl who sat here with a lapful of tears, waiting for you come make them go away. i am the girl for whom you weren't here when she needed you.
i am the girl who scraped her remnants off the ground this time, and resolved there wasn't going to be a next time.
i am that girl, i am that woman, and i am so much more.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes
But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust
Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
re-read the previous post, and thought i had better make a clarification:
'especially that skinny girl over there' refers to some bitch i saw while studying at macs with
:) she is by the way a bizad year 1 and i swear i never had such bad vibes from anyone before! but it's cool, that's just the vindictive me speakin out that night; things like that just don't seem to affect me anymore.
sometimes we have all got to learn how to stop protecting ourselves, and just let go. the confusion in someone else's life might mess you up and bog you down, but ultimately, you are your own person, you step out of the melee, and you make your decisions, and then you settle down to live with it. truth is, however, there's nothing left in me except this sincere regret, at how someone, a friend, can choose to mess up his life this way, and searing contrite at being the devious me, pretending to feel something when i don't.
yet it took the rational words of someone you have just barely got to know, to remind you once again of what everyone came here to achieve in the first place, to remind you of priorities. practicality, always a beacon of light to someone who've lost sight of
why.
so there goes, i am dropping everything and everyone, it's a final decision, and it's official, at least for me.
goodbye my highlife, i think i have had enough of you.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
fuck all the skinny girls in the world especially that one over there!
vindictive vindictive vindictive me.
i keep looking inwards, trying to figure out what exactly am i feeling about this whole thing, and i realise then that i feel nothing at all. i reallly feel nothing at all. and because i feel nothing at all, i sort of feel weird.
it's like a newly healed scab, you sort of feel nothing at all, it all seems fine and dandy, or so you think, because any sudden exaggerated action would rip that scab open. then the pain, because it came as a surprise, would hurt a million times more than it should.
then againnn.....haha:] i am blissfully content about somethings in my life.
so why do i still feel sort of weird inside?
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Saturday, September 17, 2005
it's the simple things in life we all forget
why do we take something so easy and pure, and turn it
into something so complicated?
it's the simple things in life we all forget
come cruise with me baby
let's do it a day as it comes
i won't hurt you, i don't care if you hurt me
it's simple, can't you see?
we're good, aren't we, we're so good..
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
i'd bring you food in the middle of the night anytime you want :)
and i'd care even when other people seem not to care.
so don't you dare feel lonely or like you're facing the world alone.
k's right, i am like a time bomb, waiting to go off, i am waiting for my day to come. a day when i just feel like there is no point in doing whatever it is that i do. then i'll just pack up and go. hell, i might even skip the packing and just leave. it got me thinking whatever i do in life, there had better be this option available to me; the option of just packing up anytime i feel like and just walk out the door. to be able to drag yourself out of any situation and leave.
corrinemay comes on now and i am suddenly transported back in time to sarah's room. she was packing to leave, and i was just lying there, still not facing reality, listening to her corrinemay cds.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
'you think you've got things under control, you think it's funny to play me without me playing you. oh please. think again, think again - who's been playing who.'
a little while ago, it didn't matter so much anymore.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Saturday, September 10, 2005
hello there, it's only been a while. but it seems like alongtime hasn't it?
i am blogging but for once, i don't feel like putting down what i feel, cause this is private:) and i just want to say, i am sort of happy.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
'it's not always rainbows and butterflies, its compromises that move us along.'
'my door's always open you come anytime you want.'i am attracted to wit, humour and intelligence. give me all three in a potent mix.
you know sometimes i think i am an onion. there are so many layers to me, so many layers i keep uncovering to get to my core. every time that i come close to unearthing my true self, to my self,
something happens, and i find myself peeling off thin layers after thin layers, in yet another attempt to find the real me. there is this built-in mechanism in me, that like a protective onion, keeps adding layers and layers to protect myself from myself; and these layers, there are no better than lies, lies i tell myself, in some warped attempt to protect myself. from what? from myself perhaps. will anyone ever understand what i mean? for some stupid reason, i really wish someone would understand, just understand. i keep thinking that if only someone would understand me, then maybe i could learn to understand myself.
the lizards are clucking outside my window, and it sends an army of goosebumps running up and down my spine; i hope none invades my room.
arh that was just so random. came here today to make sense of this feeling i have been feeling lately, so i could, like a virus, isolate it, and put it down into something more tangible, then i analyse it, and come to a satisfactory conclusion, about what to do about this feeling.
now that i am here, nothing comes to mind though, i just keep thinking...
i am attracted to wit, humour and intelligence. give me all three in a potent mix...oh please do.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Monday, September 05, 2005
i am sorry, and i have never been so sorry in my life. i am just scared, i get that sometimes, with you, do you understand? i hope you do, i hope you do.......
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Saturday, September 03, 2005
the thing with playing games, is that, sooner or later, you find yourself in a compromising situation. i needed some alone time today, just to think things through. so here i am just sitting , printing lecture notes absentmindedly, acknowledging the fact that i am hopelessly behind in all my work, and the fact that my life is a mess only because i choose to let it become so.
there are just somethings i should be thankful for. and there are just somethings i have to do.
stop this before it gets too far, like right about now
law and bba doulble honours
to become someone i would be proud of becoming
doesn't make sense to you?well it does to me.
crystal clear indeed