Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
with all my job applications approved i find myself spoilt for choice. i finally decided on one with standard chartered, am hoping it'll add some colour to my lacklustre resume hurhur.
it struck me again how the only constant thing in life is change; yesterday i was still lazing at home, with every intention of pursuing the lifestyle of a tv/food junkie. all it took was one morning of job hunting, and i found myself swamped with job offers and tuition students.
you take me for granted, you know that? i deserve more than a thousand you put together (:
for a while i told myself i had to be perfect to deserve you, how silly was that! i always want what i cannot have, but i'm so tired of hoping and reaching out to you, only to suffer the pains of pining while i'm waiting, and the disappointment, like a slap to the face, when i finally realise i try in vain.
there are others who love me, and who are more deserving of my love. just like there are other alternatives to you, alternatives that lead me to greater opportunities in life.
you see i have learnt, after all this while, that it is easy to let you go.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
i am going to make trips to bangkok a must-do every single vacation! i had so much fun shopping and eating i spent a bomb. moolah well spent.
shufang went to God wed night at 9.20pm. i love you shufang.
am trying to morph into a pig these days, lazing around at home, a tv/food junkie. i still haven't learnt my lesson yet, been trying to ignore the fact i can't fit into some of my clothes.
i like being at home (:
Monday, May 08, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
the vermin comes out to play, and i sit amidst the dust everywhere. have you ever wondered where the big curls of dust came from? how from small particles naked to the eye they join together to grow and grow into nasty gray black coils snaking around corners, hiding in dark places where the broom, or the magic clean cannot reach them?
the exams are over! i am cleaning out my room! a yearful of memories, placed into VK81D Panasonic cardboxes. i am stripping down the only safe haven i can call mine, stripping it down to how it was before it became one place dear to me, returning it to Eusoff Hall. but then melancholy taps me on the shoulder and deals me a blow to my middle, and so i am sitting here in the midst of the dust everywhere, watching the vermin come out to play.
strangely enough, this came to mind...
i am sitting in the chair, writhing in agony. A Demon, a minor Demon is pinning
me there, fucking with my head. 'Abraxus,' he says, 'i am Abraxus, the Demon of
Lies and Deceit. So, what do you want to know about lies my dear?' i am not a
liar, i try again to get up. this time i am flayed, splayed, i feel myself
screaming.
'i'll tell you about lies. there are white lies, and black
lies...and many shades of gray lies, some lies are justified, lies told out of
kindness, lies that preserve dignity, lies, that spare pain.
everybody is a liar.'
i feel filthy, because the exams left me blubber-filled so i spent more strength moving myself around than moving those Panasonic boxes (heavy even when empty) up flights of stairs.
i feel angry because a friend has to leave painfully but slowly and there's absolutely nothing i can do but watch and pray.
i feel happy because it's peiqin's birthday today, and i am happy when she's happy.
i feel helpless, because my room, it's empty. the memories, they're fleeing, eluding me, and there is absolutely nothing i can do to stop them from leaking out of my mind, in torrents and torrents.
i feel refreshed, at the thought of bangkok this friday, and of diving, taiwan and australia to come.
there is this Demon fucking with my mind. 'Discord, Strife, and Chaos,' he says,
'is my business.' i am sane, i am collected. sure, i am, then how can i feel ten
different feelings in a heartbeat? ' the first thing you learn about Discord,
Strife, and Chaos, is that they're invisible, and begin from within...'
maybe it's just the moving-out/monday bloooos \:
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday happy birthday
happy birthday to you..
always remember just how important a person you are (:
i like you just the way you are.